1. Chill - Never takes attendance. Syllabus doesn’t mean a thing. Doesn’t care if you come to class, but is so nice, you feel guilty if you don’t. Multiple people will stick their heads into the classroom during the lecture just to say hi. Goes over every question that will be on the exam in detail, then tells you they’ll let you retake it if you get less than 80%. Relates everything back to personal life in an absolutely hilarious, but always informative way. Can make the most boring subject absolutely fascinating. Knows everyone by name. Volunteers somewhere at some youth addiction treatment center. Facebook full of former students. Will answer a Facebook or Twitter post before answering an email. Has multiple “favorite professor of the year” plaques. Knows all the slang. Everyone passes the class with 80% or better. Probably does underground rap battles that only a select few students and none of the other faculty know about.
2. Passionate - Forgets to take the attendance more often than not. Hates giving exams - wants you to understand the material, not parrot back definitions. Will get in the fight with the college over exam requirements. Syllabus flexible and probably filled with grammatical errors. On top of current events and always armed with a dozen recent news articles relating to the course. Likely to drive something from the ‘80s that looks to be held together with duct tape and a prayer. Gives most points for class discussions. Emails distracted but always have more information than you need. You’ll pass the class, but find yourself caring more about the stuff you learned than the grade. Will email you a year after you’ve passed the course to tell you they’re canceling tonight’s class because they’re not feeling well. Writes killer recommendation letters.
3. Obsessive - Always takes attendance. Keeps the attendance sheet on the table until half-past starting time, just to pointedly mark off when you’ve arrived late. Syllabus has 10-12 pages and requires a doctorate degree in the subject you’re taking. If there's a mistake in it, will insist you're following instruction wrong, rather than admit to making the mistake. Mid-term contains six essay questions; the final exam is accumulative. Does not eat or drink in class, with the exception of one generic water bottle, always present. Three research papers, each one five pages longer than the previous one. No phone in class, not even for emergencies. The textbook is God, you must memorize it. If you pass the class, you wear that as a badge of honor. You have no clue what their class was even about approximately 3-6 months after you’re done. You have nightmares about their class for years.
4. All Done - Always takes attendance. You aren’t there on time, don’t bother coming. Doesn’t have time for you. Teaches three other classes at the same college, a High School class, and five other classes at a different college. Just wants to retire. Never answers emails. Nods and tunes out when you’re speaking. Doesn’t get upset when you don’t do the work - seems to expect failure at every turn. Has a presidential election sticker on the car, but it’s sixteen years old, and you think this is the last time they cared about anything. A few papers, a few presentations, and homework. Will collect the homework, but won’t read half of it. You never get your papers back, and probably don’t know what your grade is till 2 weeks after the class is done. You’ll pass, but a little part of your soul will die in the process.
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