Horoscope Signs as Adam Rippon quotes

Aries - “Sometimes I might meet people and they might just not like me, not want to get to know me. And that’s okay. They’re boring as hell anyway.”

Taurus - “I’ve learned from every setback, proudly own up to my mistakes, grown from disappointments, and now I’m a glamazon bitch ready for the runway.”

Gemini - “I say I really like my slutty costumes. It’s, like, tongue in cheek. But I do, I really like my slutty costumes.”

Cancer - “The other day I was joking to one of my friends. He was like, ‘You’re kind of everywhere right now.’ I was like, ‘I know; I’m America’s sweetheart.’ He laughed in my face.”

Leo - “I can’t explain witchcraft. I just feel like I’m coming into my own. I’m confident in who I am and what I’m doing. I’m just having a great time.”

Virgo - “Nobody loves me as much as I love me; so I guess I’ll just be my own Valentine tomorrow.”

Libra - “I was recently asked in an interview what its like to be a gay athlete in sports. I said that it’s exactly like being a straight athlete. Lots of hard work but usually done with better eyebrows.”

Scorpio - "I’m like a witch and you can’t kill me. I keep coming back every year, and every year I get better.”

Sagittarius - “I’m going to go to Target, and I’m going to get a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc Oyster Bay with the twist top. Yeah. Uh-huh. Immediately. You can come right over. I live like 15 minutes from LAX and we can just have a day.“

Capricorn - “Maybe if this were my fifth Olympic Games, I’d say, ‘Oh, I wish it were like this, or like that.’ But honestly, at this point in my life, if they said, 'Here’s your opening ceremony outfit,’ and then handed me a piece of rope and some broken sticks and a trash bag, I’d be like, 'IT’S GORGEOUS. I’LL MAKE IT WORK.”

Aquarius - “I might not be the best, but I’m the most fun.”

Pisces - “With everything going on in the media about me this Valentine’s Day I don’t want people to get distracted and forget how beautiful I am (on the outside).”

The Last Jedi men as college guys you date in Eastern Massachusetts

Poe Dameron

- everyone on the campus knows who he is including all the professors, even the ones whose classes he’s never taken
- B average student
- universally liked by everyone, but only 3 people could confidently say they’re good friends with him
- always has a Dunkin Donuts coffee
- drummer in a band that’s just good enough to get steady gigs in college bars but not good enough to ever make it big
- drives a white van that’s slightly dented, slightly rusty, has one Phish sticker and then three from bands no one’s ever heard of
- always has the best weed; is never stingy about sharing
- dates “casually” but it’s always someone from two towns over that you’ve never seen before and will never see after
- your parents know him and can’t tell you how or why
- you never know if he’s flirting but when you try and flirt back he gets extra polite and slightly cold, and you feel like you’ve insulted a unicorn

Finn

- has a Triumph motorcycle he only takes out on nice days; you’ll never catch him without an extra helmet
- constantly surrounded by girls
- super nice but will totally call people out on their shit, and when he does, no one’s ever had the balls to talk back
- will send a good morning text, but literally only on the mornings you feel like crap, like he knows
- if he has a Dunkin Donuts cup it's always tea, not coffee
- honor roll student
- you’ll see him the night before a major exam at the same college bar you’re at, drinking as much as you do, but the next day you’ll flunk the exam and he’ll pull off another 100%
- has those super awesome parents who are involved without being overbearing
- you want his parents to adopt you
- one of the three people guys like Poe Dameron are actually friends with
- plays guitar but never talks about it except to make self-deprecating remarks
- but any local band knows if your guitarist flakes out on you, you can call Finn and he’ll not just show up to save your ass, but somehow know every song on your lineup
- is actually a unicorn

Kylo Ren

- B average student but only because he doesn’t “apply himself”
- writes dark, bizarre poetry no one understands
- questionable hygiene - def doesn’t change his underwear as often as he should and his room always has a smell you can’t put your finger on
- there’s a constant and overpowering presence of a dreaded “ex” hanging over him, that no other girl will ever live up to
- no one’s ever met this “ex”
- will casually refer to his mother as “that bitch” in the middle of a banal conversation
- he won’t mention the fact that “that bitch” is still paying for his college and apartment
- fifteen pumps of cream and fifteen sugars coffee drinker
- holds grudges for perceived insults for years, will tell you all about his mortal enemy from the third grade and it’ll sound like it all happened yesterday
- it’ll take you six months to figure out he wants another mom instead of a girlfriend
- will likely threaten to commit suicide when you try and break up with him

Hux

- will wear suits to class and have an internship before most of his peers start worrying about graduate school
- knows how to knot a tie a dozen different ways
- his class evaluations have actually gotten professors suspended
- A+ grade average, and will mention his GPA at least once a day
- only wears white briefs, but has drawers filled with gray and black socks that cost approximately $30 a pair
- only drinks coffee from Starbucks
- will talk you into trying anal before you’ve even decided whether to date him at all
- obsessively washes his hands
- will judge what you wear but will always be so reasonable about it that you start questioning everything about yourself
- says he has friends but you’ve never met them
- will never say anything racist outright but you’ll know he is
- by the time you figure out you should run for your life, it’ll be way too late

4 Types of College Professors

1. Chill - Never takes attendance. Syllabus doesn’t mean a thing. Doesn’t care if you come to class, but is so nice, you feel guilty if you don’t. Multiple people will stick their heads into the classroom during the lecture just to say hi. Goes over every question that will be on the exam in detail, then tells you they’ll let you retake it if you get less than 80%. Relates everything back to personal life in an absolutely hilarious, but always informative way. Can make the most boring subject absolutely fascinating. Knows everyone by name. Volunteers somewhere at some youth addiction treatment center. Facebook full of former students. Will answer a Facebook or Twitter post before answering an email. Has multiple “favorite professor of the year” plaques. Knows all the slang. Everyone passes the class with 80% or better. Probably does underground rap battles that only a select few students and none of the other faculty know about.

2. Passionate - Forgets to take the attendance more often than not. Hates giving exams - wants you to understand the material, not parrot back definitions. Will get in the fight with the college over exam requirements. Syllabus flexible and probably filled with grammatical errors. On top of current events and always armed with a dozen recent news articles relating to the course. Likely to drive something from the ‘80s that looks to be held together with duct tape and a prayer. Gives most points for class discussions. Emails distracted but always have more information than you need. You’ll pass the class, but find yourself caring more about the stuff you learned than the grade. Will email you a year after you’ve passed the course to tell you they’re canceling tonight’s class because they’re not feeling well. Writes killer recommendation letters.

3. Obsessive - Always takes attendance. Keeps the attendance sheet on the table until half-past starting time, just to pointedly mark off when you’ve arrived late. Syllabus has 10-12 pages and requires a doctorate degree in the subject you’re taking. If there's a mistake in it, will insist you're following instruction wrong, rather than admit to making the mistake. Mid-term contains six essay questions; the final exam is accumulative. Does not eat or drink in class, with the exception of one generic water bottle, always present. Three research papers, each one five pages longer than the previous one. No phone in class, not even for emergencies. The textbook is God, you must memorize it. If you pass the class, you wear that as a badge of honor. You have no clue what their class was even about approximately 3-6 months after you’re done. You have nightmares about their class for years.

4. All Done - Always takes attendance. You aren’t there on time, don’t bother coming. Doesn’t have time for you. Teaches three other classes at the same college, a High School class, and five other classes at a different college. Just wants to retire. Never answers emails. Nods and tunes out when you’re speaking. Doesn’t get upset when you don’t do the work - seems to expect failure at every turn. Has a presidential election sticker on the car, but it’s sixteen years old, and you think this is the last time they cared about anything. A few papers, a few presentations, and homework. Will collect the homework, but won’t read half of it. You never get your papers back, and probably don’t know what your grade is till 2 weeks after the class is done. You’ll pass, but a little part of your soul will die in the process.